A guy told me today that they thought I looked beautiful when he first met me. That was in September. That was when I was anorexic. I had long wavy blonde hair, defined cheek bones, crystal clear skin, and I was thin. I am a bit different now.

I am a pretty destructive person. You are right. I always knew that about me though, so does everyone who knows me well.

TALK TO ME YOU DICKHEADDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD ARGHHHHHHH:)

LET'S REFUEL THIS GODDAMN SHIP.
BE HAPPY! time to change.

Is it any wonder that I'm tired? It is any wonder that I feel uptight? Is it any wonder I don't know what's right?
Let's goooo.
I'm going.

When there's no one left to fight boys like him don't shine so bright

So I've realised I can't actuallyyy do this., Back to the fake eyelashes. I feel so much better with them, so why shouldn't I? Proper laughing at how pathetic I am. Oh well.

No more

Oh my fucking god. I actually cannot believe it.
I am bare, completely exposed now. Dyed my hair dark, no more make up, no more fake eye lashes, no more hair extensions and no more slutty clothes. I literally cannot convey to you how fucking scared I am right now. But guess what, I got through anorexia and that was fucking scary, so I can fucking do this. Why is it that I feel so much more valid and confidant when guys look at me, and people beep at me and whistle. Why? It's pathetic isn't it. Just like anorexia was a mask, and a safety net, make up & appearence was my safety net. It's gone now. All gone. So, it's just me. Just me, only me. So if you don't like you can fuck right out of my life, and you're not really worth bothering with. I can do this, right? Of course I can, I'm Alice fucking Reid.
I wish my Mum was here to tell me it will be okay.
Thnakyou Carla. Thankyou so much, I think you might have set me free:)
It will take a while for me not to be scared, just like it did with anorexia, but I think I'll get there.
Anyway, this is all for you. All of you who told me that what I was doing was wrong; I've changed for you all - I am no longer skinny, no longer peroxide blonde, no longer piled with make up, is there anything else? Anything else I can do for you? Because this life I'm living, it's all for you lot, not for me. Never for me.