arghh my dad thinks im having a relapse just because apparently i havent been eating as much in the past few days. i am NOT having a relapse. i will NEVERRR go back there. it was fucking shit, and i wouldnt do that again to the people i love. annoying that he doesnt trust me though. after everything ive done, and every effort ive made to get better, there will always be times when its just not good enough. fuck this shit man.

so my grandad died the other day. pretty shit really. he was a total babe - only words which can describe him haha. his mind was totally there, just his body that let him down. still, he was doing exactly what he wanted to be doing right up until he died, it wasnt like he was stuck in a mental home for 5 years. written part of a poem which hopefully i might read at the funeral.
another funeral. YAY.

we all wonder
we all sit and wonder where you've gone
and why you go
why you've closed the door on us
but somewhere distant from this fault filled yet beautiful existance
a door will open
a door will be flung open
and you will run in; his body now longer lets him down
he is young.

we know nothing
we do not know anything
we can just make make assumptions
based on the love we have been handed down from those before us
love to fill the gaps
love can fill the holes in our hearts
love is abstract;
it may be whatever you want
in order to cease the aching in our souls.

its not finished yet.
goodbye